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Shut up about Batman dammit !
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Shut up about Batman dammit ! The Batman has been around awhile . As they say in the Lego Batman movie he has aged phenomenally . But it does mean that it’s hard to come up with a new Batman story . Thankfully I the smartest man alive . Unthankfully I use my super intelligence to think about this kind of stuff instead of create a clean burning fuel that also doubles as hand sanitizer . Here’s the pitch . Opening scene , the standard shit goes down in Gotham – villains are robbing some place and taking hostages and causing a general brouhaha and the Batman shows up to stop them . Which , as always , involves a significant amount of collateral damage . One of the buildings that gets f’d in the A (as the say) is an records building . After all hoopla when the criminals are getting wailed on by the police in a windowless interrogation room and the Batman is back at his mansion partying the night away with lady tennis players a crew of dudes is out cleaning up the mess . One dudes decides to snoop around the records because why wouldn’t you ? Just when the foreman (you know he’s the foreman because he’s balding and has Popeye forearms) bawls at him to get back to work he finds a file called “the Killing Joke” (a little shout for the comic book nerds) and stuffs it in his overalls . Later on he’s in his crummy one bedroom apartment , overalls rolled down , shirtless , eating day pizza and drinking off-brand beer and reading through the reports . There’s a persistent fan theory about the Joker from the Dark Knight (the greatest movie ever) that his real backstory (You look nervous ? Is it the scars ? Wanna know how I got ‘em ? ) is that he’s a former military dude with PTSD and an ax to grind . We’ll use that but that’s not why he’s the Joker , no , no , no , not at all . This fella , we’ll call him Jack Napier (shout out to the Michael Keaton Batman fans) comes back from serving his country , special ops of course , and things aren’t going great for him . Gotham is a real shithole and he didn’t risk his life out there in Kreblekistan for his hometown to turn into the kind of place where a man in a Halloween costume needs to run around karate chopping poor people . So he starts agitating and protesting and organizing – things need to change . He starts getting some traction with his grassroots campaign and starts making things uncomfortable for a lot of local power players , you know getting the common folk all riled up and whatnot . So they decide to go for a twofer – not only are they going to rid themselves of an annoying political activists but they’re also going to strengthen their stranglehold on the city . So they have their police/goons grab old Jacky boy off the street one day after one of his rallies . And they take him to the famed Arkham Asylum where he’s treated to a whole cocktail of psychotropic drugs and various other bad shit – drugs , , mental conditioning , the whole nine yards . They turn him into the Joker . And then they set him loose on the city and the Joker does what he does and people die and eventually Batman stops him . But the point is that people are scared of his new “super” villain who acts seemingly without motivation . They vote for more police funding , they vote for less civil liberties , they vote for the people who say they can protect them from the Joker menace , they vote themselves less power , they vote out of fear and paranoia – what if the Joker poisoned the water supply ?!?! We a company to come in and take over the water rights – that just so happens to be run by the mayor’s nephew . Etc. So they keep Jack on ice in the Asylum (you can add in a B-plot love story with a non-Harlequinned Dr. Quinzel if you want) and every time they to stir things up and make people afraid because there’s an election coming up or some such they pump him full of drugs again and the Joker “escapes” from Arkham Asylum and runs amok through the city until the Batman stops him . People are afraid again and they are easily manipulated by the powerful elites who hold Gotham in their iron grip . Okay , that’s interesting and all 40 but I thought this was a Batman story . getting to that . So the dude finds out about this crazy conspiracy – they the Gotham City Police Department is using the Joker as a mad stalking false flag operation to keep their corrupt enterprise going . And he does what anyone does when they find out about a crazy conspiracy – they go on the internet and blab about it . And one listens except for a couple other conspiracy nuts – and their support only hurts his cause because they’re widely regarded as crazy conspiracy nuts . The truth IS out there , but no one cares . Except the Batman . He cares . And he Batmans the shit out of it – he is the world’s greatest detective you know . And he discovers that it’s all true . His hated enemy and bitter rival – the one man who could possible get him to break The Rule – is actually the victim . Not only that but as he digs into he discovers that all of his enemies have been created by the GCPD . Harvey Dent was trying to lock up bad cops so they made him Two-Face , Pamela Isley was trying to do something about Gotham’s insanely liberal pollution statues so they made her into Poison Ivy , Bane actually is as variety of GCPD officer playing the role for extra , the Scarecrow is a police psychiatrist who likes to study fear close up , etc. Batman , the ultra-prepared ultra-smart man among men has been getting played this whole time . And that’s not the half of it . Creating villains is only part of the plan , they also a vigilante to take care of them – and to cause as much damage as possible to the poor parts of town so they can be bought on the cheap and then gentrified . After all , people aren’t SO gullible that they’re going to accept the police driving around town in a tank armed with missile launchers , and no city PD is going to be able to swing flying around in a jet without raising a few eyebrows – so you yourself a good fashioned vigilante . One with enough money to pull it off . They ID little Bruce Wayne as being the correct mental profile , they kill his parents – which is a bonus because they were crusading do-gooders as well – and the murderer (actually young GCPD officer Jim Gordon) is never caught of course . And to make sure things go the way they want to they bring in Alfred Pennyworth to raise him – a surrogate father/master manipulator who subtly manipulates the hair to the Wayne family fortune to use that fortune to become a nightstalking crimefighter . The Joker is the stray they let off the leash to make a mess and the Batman is the trained attack they use to deal with him . And the circle goes on and on . It explains why things never get better in Gotham City . It explains why the Joker and his kind never go to jail , they just end up in Arkham which seems to be about as secure as a breadbag with a twist-tie . It explains why the police never do anything about the Batman himself . It explains everything . The rich people want an autocratic police state but you have to be subtle about these things – you set up a no holds barred steel cage death match between a man in a bat costume and a psycho clown and people are going to pay attention . Who’s going to worry about abusing zoning regulations when the Joker is blowing up hospitals ? It’s all one big snowjob . The question is what happens then . The obvious answer is that the Batman rescues the Joker and helps him get back to normal and then they team up and take down the GCPD and all the rich people but that seems somewhat trite . But then again this is a Batman movie we’re talking about so maybe it’s okay– we ain’t making Citizen Kane here folks . A really dark ending would be that it seems like Batman is going to rescue the Joker and help him but instead he just beats him up and tosses him in Arkham like always – because even knowing now that it’s all a lie he can’t help himself . It’s all he knows . If the exposes the lie his entire life becomes a lie . That’s pretty messed up right there . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I believe Hemmingway said "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for" . I agree with the second part Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Why do you always say THE Batman? Except for line 46, so - almost always. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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